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The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2017 2:01 pm
by catalina12345
Hi cherries! :) I have this story on the forum in Romanian, but I've been thinking about doing it here too, and I can finish it if I like it. :mrgreen: And, before it starts, I'd like to thank Google Translate.=))
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-The girl with the blue eyes-Chapter one-

It was 22:00. We were waiting for a few hours in the bus station. My hands were getting cold and I felt frost. I was alone on the street, and there was absolutely nothing to say, except for the insistent ticking of my watch. Looking blurredly at the city, I heard a cry, familiar, but still I could not figure out who she was.
I came back, and I saw an unknown girl running towards me and screaming at me.
-Billy Billy!
I did not see his face well, but his blue eyes became obvious to him. I wanted to ask her who he is and where he knows my name, but that's when the bus arrived, so I got up right away, thinking how cold I was.
Throughout the road, which was long enough due to the snow, I only thought about that girl and who it could have been.
Finally, I got home at around 23:15. While I was desperately looking for my keys in my pocket, I noticed a note that was half outside, half past the door, which was high enough to slip something under it. Still, I did not pay that much attention until I did not find my keys, and not even then.
I picked him up and dumped him somewhere in the house, being very tired and thinking only of sleep and warmth. I fell asleep quickly, not thinking about that mysterious girl and that note.

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If you want to continue, leave a next and possibly an opinion.Byeeee!:3

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2017 3:16 pm
by linnzy
Next :arrow: That is super :P

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:32 pm
by maria11mona
Wow,I didn't have to correct much,but it`s brilliant! :D Wow! :mrgreen: I love it! :mrgreen:

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2017 8:56 pm
by Italianca
I did not see nothing wrong.. I love this this story....Soooo next :arrow:

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Sat Jul 29, 2017 3:35 pm
by BonitaTerreza
linnzy wrote:Next :arrow: That is super :P

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Sun Aug 06, 2017 9:13 am
by claireh
OMG YES
NEXT, PLEASEEEE

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2017 11:01 am
by madalina1234
Next :clap:

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2018 7:12 pm
by SaraLike
NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT. :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow:

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2018 10:29 pm
by StarSapphire
First, I think it should be "The girl with blue eyes'', without ''the''.
Second, in English, in books, they always put space between paragraphs and the things someone is saying are put between quotation marks, they don't use dash for dialog.
In addition, you were talking about a girl using both feminine and masculine pronouns. ''His'', ''him'' and ''he'' are masculine forms. And I think in the second sentence you should have used the past perfect continuous tense.
There are some more mistakes, but the story is really nice and I don't try to criticize you, I'm just trying to help and I hope you'll continue to write this book. Good luck! :D :D :D

Re: The girl with the blue eyes

PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2020 11:03 am
by fata_cu_th
this is cool
idk what to say but
i liked it ))))
it sounds like an usual wattpad story but
it s cool
:arrow: